I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
