I'm so fucking centered right now
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
