He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
