i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Is it because I queefed?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
