Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize