Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
