can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
