I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
