Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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