Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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