I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
