No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
