is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
