I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
