Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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