Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize