Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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