I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
