My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
