at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize