i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize