the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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