dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
