I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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