you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
