tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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