i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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