Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
