When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
