He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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