Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
