Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
