I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
