broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
