you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
