i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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