Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize