well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
