the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
