i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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