Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
