If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
