She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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