I hate all girls vehemently.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
