you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
