If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
