the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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