Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
