WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
