You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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