He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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