lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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