I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My feet surprised me
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