I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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