you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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