Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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