he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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