There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
