my soul wont recognize me after tonight
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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