I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
do nipples grow back?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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