My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
