Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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