so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
