i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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