I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
