good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
