Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
