I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
