this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
