come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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