I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
