Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Will exercising make me less horny?
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