If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
