What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
