If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize