Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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