your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
