I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Randomize
