I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i've created a new STD.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
