i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
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