Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
