obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize