A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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