return my video game
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
