i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize