Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
