ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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