Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
