Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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