My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
