no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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