as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
