I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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