Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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