pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
