I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
