wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
