Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
