We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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