Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
