do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize