Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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