This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
