I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
