I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
