My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
